A famous Voodoo priest from New Orleans was arrested this morning by the FBI after paying an impressive $25,000 for a few strands of President Trump’s hair in order to inflict physical harm on him and control him through a voodoo doll.
31-year Old Moses Philossaint, an important religious leader of the Louisiana Voodoo community, was arrested in possession of eight grams of what is believed to be Donald Trump’s hair.
The provenance of the lock of hair is yet to be clarified, and it has been sent to an FBI lab for DNA analysis, but investigators claim they have strong evidence suggesting it’s authentic.
According to FBI spokesman Bobby Miller, the accused paid $25,000 on Craigslist for the hair, which he intended to use to create a type of magical effigy.
“He openly professed to worshippers that he intended to use magic to influence American policy and force the American president to do as he wishes. The method used may be unusual, but the intent makes it a federal crime.”
Mr. Miller insisted that the FBI doesn’t believe in magic or voodoo, but acted to condemn the accused’s criminal intent and qualm rumors before they started.
“We know these dolls are probably powerless. But there are enough rumors already about the President being controlled by the Russians, Freemasons or even Reptilians. We don’t want new ones about him being a voodoo puppet.”
FBI spokesman Bobby Miller says the accused plotting to force the President to overthrow the Haitian government and also offer public funding to various voodoo churches.
Mr. Philossaint is accused of conspiracy to corrupt a government official, conspiracy to commit treason and conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism.
If found guilty on all charges, he could face the death penalty or a minimum of 95 years of imprisonment.
His lawyer, Iakob Bronstein, has already announced that they would plead that Mr. Philossaint’s actions are protected by his freedom of religion.
According to Mr. Bronstein, his client’s actions are “no different than when Christians ask God to influence the President.”
Mr. Philossaint was refused bail a few hours after his arrest and will remain behind bars until his trial in March.