Most people can’t find love because they’re picky, they overanalyze and they find things wrong in people. We call them flaw finders.
We all desire a perfect partner; the one who will possess all the qualities we will ever want, be it height, complexion, even smell. Some of us dream up how we will meet this partner and in the dreams, our partner has every quality we desire with no flaw, even this imaginary partner has the perfect dentition; this leads us to be selective of who we date and who we choose to be committed to.
While it’s unwise to date every Jide, Obi or Ahmed, or date every Ada, Bola or Amina, you can be too picky in choosing your lover when you are looking for someone who has all the qualities you desire in your partner. You want your boyfriend to be tall but not too tall, fair, rich, have a deep voice yet can sing, be a good dancer, doesn’t do drugs but he should be a bad boy, he should also be a good man with sterling qualities, he should also have six-packs and muscles; auntie, this kind of man doesn’t exist. Nobody can possess all the qualities you want, some might be tall but not dark, some might be rich but be ugly; there is no perfect man or woman.
Some people don’t know they are picky, they think they are just being selective, they fail to see the difference. If you have any of these perceptions or ideas of a partner then you are picky, not selective :
1. Complete Package
The first clue that tells you are picky, is wanting a perfect person. You live in a dream that your partner should have all the qualities you seek and not a single flaw. You want the love that exists only in movies. The funny thing is that anybody you meet has one flaw or the other, either his nose is too big or he has large ears, or her legs are too straight, something must be definitely wrong. You are also not willing to compromise even though you meet someone who possesses some of the qualities you desire, you still want him/her to be perfect; this shows you are picky.
2. Over-analyzed dates
Before you even go on dates, you have already murdered the date and killed the vibe or mood that the date is supposed to have. You cook up reasons why the date won’t work; most of the time, you feel the other person should be blamed for the date going sour. With this mindset, when you go on the date, the date ends poorly and you blame the other person. Some times, even though the date went well, you overly analyzed the date and wished it went another way, you rarely go on second dates. This is another huge sign you are picky.
3. No values in the Wishlist
Often times, your list of your perfect partner is shallow; It doesn’t involve the things you hold dear. The list doesn’t state that your partner should have the same values, beliefs, and ideologies as you. You are just dwelling on him/her being perfect outwardly forgetting that the substance of a man is in the inside, not the height and handsomeness you are dying for. Does he believe in God as you do? Does she believe drinking is bad? Important points like these should be on your list.
4. Poor decision-making
“Tunde is fine but he is dark, Ikenna is handsome and he is caring, but I like the way Tunde kooks at me, oooh I am confused” these are the kind of thoughts that goes in some people’s head. Sometimes, you are just bad at making decisions or you find it hard to pick when there are many options. Other times, you are trying to be too careful so that you won’t make any mistakes, and you end up being picky.
5. Poor Self-esteem
The weird thing is that some people are picky because they have low self-esteem. They think the person that they admire or who approach them are not in their league. For the reason, they find someone who’s in their “league”. This might take time and leave them single for a longer time than necessary. The person who they perceive to be out of their league might actually like them.
6. “You are too picky”
If your friends and family especially those you trust, to be honest, keep saying these words “You are picky “. Then you are picky.
There are many reasons why people are too picky, these clues are big indicators that you are picky. Being too picky, the keyword being too, ruins your chance of having a beautiful relationship with a great person because you are waiting for the perfect lover for you. One of the most beautiful and extremely sweet relationships are the ones that are made up of two imperfect people who want the relationship to succeed. If you want to reduce your pickiness, you have to stop searching for a perfect partner, look for someone who has your basic qualities and accept his or her flaws. Also, stop pressurizing your self, nobody has a perfect lover, nobody is. Give dates real chance to survive; don’t judge a book by its cover. The guy or girl you are writing off might be the man who will treat king/queen. Love strives in imperfections, that is why love exists.