1. Boobs bruise
Sometime after high school, all guys learned—no more hickies! But, that doesn’t mean bruises are a thing of the past. Ever woken up the next morning with black and blue finger prints on your chest? Some men get a little too excited and in the heat of passion, don’t realize that they’re grabbing your breasts as if they’re planning on stealing them. And while it’s nice we get them that excited, it’s not nice wearing turtlenecks for the next week.
2. We need fore-play
For men, fore-play is a privilege. It’s like whipped cream on top of an already incredible sundae. For women, it’s essential. Without enough fore-play, sex can actually be painful for a woman and even cause small tears in the vagina.
3. Post-coital cuddling
Did you know that when you orgasm, a chemical is released in your body that instantly makes you feel more trusting of the person who gave you that orgasm? That’s why it is particularly hurtful when a guy just rolls away and makes a sandwich immediately after sex. We feel chemically more vulnerable than ever.
4. Harder never means faster
Ever had a man move like a jack hammer while you’re having sex? It does nothing for a woman. But sometimes, when we say “harder” they hear “faster” and then, as our head is repeatedly hitting the headboard, we regret saying anything at all.
5. We don’t all PMS
The worst thing that ever happened in the world of menstruation is that men got wind of PMS. Now, if you show any emotion other than complete apathy while on your period, your boyfriend says, “Uh oh, you’re PMS’ing!” And you feel like any of your emotions during menstruation are written off as just that. But guess what? Not all women experience symptoms of PMS! Most women who do, know it. So if a woman is saying, “I really am not PMS’ing! I’m actually pissed!” she is probably telling the truth.
6. No sex on a full stomach
We know—you think there is nothing sexier than a woman willing to get down on a double chili cheeseburger and onion rings at dinner. But, women don’t want to have sex on a full stomach! Not only do we have a visibly bloated stomach, we can also just become nauseated and feel far too heavy to move around. If we want a salad, men should just let us get a salad. They will be grateful for it in the bedroom.
7. 2+ drinks=0 orgasms
A woman’s ability to orgasm drops drastically with every cocktail. So, whether a guy is trying to liquor you up for a one-night stand, or your long time boyfriend is trying to loosen you up after a sexual dry spell, that’s not the way to go!
8. We need to mentally prepare for sex
As a woman, you can basically just say to your man, “Let’s have sex” and all of his equipment is ready to go. But for women, it doesn’t work that way. Preparing for sex happens long before you even lay a finger on us. We need to mentally prepare. We need to be relaxed. We need to have been perhaps cuddling with you for a while. We’re complex creatures with a lot happening in our minds and if we hadn’t started imagining having sex before it was even initiated, we can’t fully get into it.
9. 90 degrees does nothing for us
Sure, you get a great view when we’re sitting on top of you, completely erect creating a 90 degree angle with our two bodies, but we hardly feel anything. To please us, on top of clit-0ral stimulation you need to be putting pressure on certain spots inside the vaginal canal. And simply going in and out doesn’t hit those spots. Try a 45-degree angle instead.
10. Our vaginas get sleepy
The vagina is more sensitive at certain times of the day, and less at others. You may notice that you make your girlfriend orgasm at night easily, but in the morning it takes twice as long or it just doesn’t happen for her. That’s because sometimes our vaginas need time to wake up just like the rest of us does! For the best sex, pay attention to when her vagina is the most “awake.”
11. We can’t multitask during sex
A man can easily (and will gladly) accept 0-ral sex while his favorite show is on TV across the room, and he’ll fully enjoy both. But, as I mentioned before, women are complex creatures and a lot of our enjoyment from sex comes from being totally mentally into it. We also lose our orgasms very easily and often don’t recover them within that session. So, we might be halfway there, but then something on TV makes us laugh and we lose it completely.
12. We love back of the neck kisses
If your girlfriend has her back turned towards you and is asleep or resting and you’re trying to get things started, don’t jump on top of her or try to role her over. Just kiss the back of her neck and her upper back, while simultaneously putting your hands all over the front of her. This double stimulation of the front and backs of our bodies works wonders for us.
13. We can be allergic to your soap
So you’re using lube, there is no risk of an STD, it’s not a urinary tract infection but somehow your partner is still complaining of a burning sensation after sex. It could be your soap! A lot of generic soaps can cause irritation when introduced to the vaginal canal. Try changing soap for about a week and see how your partner responds. If the problem persists (and you’re off condoms), she could be allergic to your sperm…that’s when it’s time to see a doctor.
14. You need to finish us off
Men whine and complain about being blue balled but it happens to us women, too! It doesn’t necessarily cause us pain but coming very near orgasm, and then being cut off, can leave our vagina in a state of high sensitivity and discomfort. Not to mention it leaves us in a bad mood. If you came too soon, and left us high and dry (figuratively speaking) take a few minutes to breath but then get to work with your hands and/or mouth.
15. Gentle is key
Push on your own arm and drag your fingers up it. Now, just barely touch your arm and do the same thing. The second act feels better, right? Feels that way for women too. Keep that in mind when kissing our ears, touching our back or in any way applying pressure to us.